“To Be” or NOT “To Be”

Editing for needless "to be" verbs is one game-plan strategy for elevating student writing.

by Shawn Hassen

Is, am, are, was, were, be, being, been. Highly necessary in the English language, this verb is highly overused in writing. Remind—or introduce—students to the concept of the written word and the spoken word as being quite different, particularly in different situations. It’s natural for beginning students to write much like they would speak. I’m even doing the same to an extent in this blog post because I am intending to “converse” with my readers, not present you with a formal academic essay. Often, we speak (or text, or blog) informally, and it is actually appropriate. Assure your students that we are not trying to change their speech. (Although wouldn’t it be nice to trim down some of the “um” and “like”? You can’t deny it!)

Instead of the speaking voice, we are concerned with the formal writing voice. Good, college-prep expository writing has many characteristics, chief of which is conciseness. There will be many more posts to come about this topic, as there are many tricks to the trade when it comes to paring down verbosity and redundancy—but for now, let’s address the first trick: eliminating as much of “to be” as we can.

We use this verb excessively when we speak—it’s fast, clear, and often appropriate. We don’t have much time to think as we talk, and “to be” is the perfect go-to. But remind students that as writers, one of their responsibilities is to slow down and think. With pen or pencil or laptop, they have time to choose words more carefully as they generate their rough draft, and then they have even more time to edit that rough draft and make the word choice the very best it can be. That’s the job of a writer. Will students magically start drafting exciting verbs right out of the gate? Um, not likely. They will continue to blob out "to be" all over their rough drafts for a while. But if we give them practice editing exercises, they will start to apply these skills to their own rough drafts. The better they become at editing, the more their brains will begin to rewire when they create in the first place.

While we cannot and should not eliminate all forms of “to be,” I’m willing to bet we can replace 50-75% of these lame verbs with strong, active verbs that will tighten up the writing, make it more vibrant, and make it more concise. Here is a sample passage overladen with “to be:”

It is springtime now. The grass is beginning to turn green and grow, and the trees are blooming pink and white. Birds are hopping through the grass, looking for worms that are coming to the surface after a rain. They are eager to bathe in the bird bath that was put in the front flowerbed. These are all signs of the earth springing to life.

This passage is great for starters. But for our students to focus on some objective characteristics of good, formal writing, they should edit this to make it more condensed and much more alive with active verbs:

It is springtime now. New shoots of green grass reach up toward trees blooming pink and white. Birds hop through the grass, looking for worms that peek through the surface of the soil after a rain. Eagerly, the birds splash in the front flowerbed’s concrete bath and welcome each sign of the earth springing to life.

After editing, we went from about 65 words to about 55, and to be honest, with younger students’ more simplistic sentences and overuse of “to be,” you can likely trim even more words. The previous example is realistic of your older students, however, and if we can teach them to trim ten words every few sentences it all adds up over the course of an essay. Note that I didn’t eliminate every instance of the verb—I actually liked the simple opening sentence. We are just trying to improve as many of the unnecessary forms of the verb as possible; we aren't trying to wreck clear communication.

I am a huge fan of first doing this as a teacher-led exercise on the white board, smart board, etc., because here’s the thing—before I can have them eliminate extraneous forms of “to be” in their writing, I have to give them some tools. They have to know some methods for accomplishing the task, so here are some starter techniques I would want them to write in their notebooks and use as a reference or checklist:

Adjectives

The grass is beginning to turn green.

The newly green grass . . .

Action verbs that show the reader by creating images instead of vaguely telling

Reach, hop, peek, splash, welcome

Participial phrases

The trees are blooming pink and white.

The trees blooming pink and white . . . (arguably this phrase could be set off with commas or not, depending upon whether “pink and white” is intended to be essential or non-essential, but that isn’t really what we are focusing on here).

Appositives, Simple Present Tense (as opposed to present progressive), Prepositional Phrases

George is Lennie’s caretaker. He is trying to protect him.

George, Lennie’s caretaker, tries to protect him.

As Lennie’s caretaker, George tries to protect him.

Good writing should show, not tell. And it should be concise, giving as much detail as possible with as few words as possible. Having students edit their rough drafts for lame uses of “to be” is an excellent first step toward elevating their writing.